Family
Strategies for splitting expenses in marriage
Couples need to find what works for them when it comes to finances. Here are some common approaches to splitting expenses as a couple:
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The Real-Time 50/50 Split: Each partner pays half of all expenses in real-time. This entails 50/50 dinner bills, venmo-ing each other for payments as they come up, etc. For example, on Monday, you both go get dinner and split the bill by putting two cards down. On Tuesday, you receive your monthly gas bill. One person pays, and the other person immediately venmos their half. And so on and so forth.
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The Monthly Reimbursement 50/50 Split: Sit down every month (perhaps at your monthly money date?) and figure out who owes the other what. For instance, on the first Friday of every month, you two sit down and go through your credit card statements to see who spent what for the previous month. You parse out what were joint expenses, tally them up, and do the math to split it evenly.
- The Alternating 50/50 Split: This may not end up coming out to 50/50 every month, but over time, it will surely even out. Take turns paying the bill by simply alternating who puts their card down for each payment that arises. For example, on Monday, John pays for dinner. On Tuesday, Jen pays the gas bill. On Wednesday, John pays for a new rug purchased together. And so on and so forth.
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Income-Based Percentage: Couples contribute a set percentage of their income, ensuring each partner shares the burden equally relative to their means. A joint expense account is often used with this method. For example, if John makes $100,000 and Jen makes $50,000, John would perhaps contribute $1,000 to the joint bank account monthly while Jen would contribute $500. Then, both parties would spend from that account as needed on items or services that are for the couple.
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‘Pay What You Can’: Bills are divided up based on what each partner can realistically afford. Communication is key to ensuring all expenses are covered. For example, if John is out of a job for a few months, Jen might cover the bills for a while. Once John gets a job again, he may decide to contribute a bit more to make up for what he lacked in the previous months. There’s no real set amount, it’s just based on feel.
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‘All In’ Strategy: All income is pooled in a shared account, and both partners have access. Trust and clear budgeting are crucial with this method. For example, John and Jen have both of their monthly incomes directly deposited into one account–a joint account. Both personal and joint expenses are paid from this account.
Important Note: Open communication about finances is essential for any of these systems to succeed. Choose the strategy that best suits your needs and fosters a sense of fairness and teamwork.
Things to talk to your spouse about
Before splitting expenses, make sure to address the following potential challenges with your partner. Maybe call it a date night, crack open a bottle of wine, and discuss all of these topics:
- Income Disparity: If one partner earns significantly more, consider splitting costs based on income percentage to ensure fairness. For instance, if one partner makes $200,000 while the other makes $50,000, you two may want to discuss how this will affect finances and the relationship in general.
- Handling Unexpected Expenses: Create a joint emergency savings plan to handle life’s surprises and define what qualifies as an emergency. For instance, if your shared apartment floods, who will pay for this? Having a joint emergency fund would be helpful in this situation.
- Paying for Outings: Decide in advance how to handle shared costs like dates (alternating, income-based, etc.) to avoid awkwardness next time you’re out on date night. You’ll know in advance who’s got the bill.
- Financial Management: If one partner struggles with money, discuss support strategies, boundaries, and how it will impact shared expenses. Maybe even suggest a financial health course to ensure you both are on the same page with money management.
- Big Decision-Making: Choose who takes the lead on financial matters based on skills, not just income level. Discuss how big decisions will be made jointly. For instance, how will you go about purchasing a large asset such as a home? Who handles investments? What about starting a business?
- A Non-Earning Partner: If one partner doesn’t earn income, consider ways they can contribute, such as taking on more household responsibilities. Explicitly laying out what they are responsible for (such as the laundry, cleaning, and cooking) can help avoid conflict in the future.
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Paying and reviewing joint expenses
Whether you’re going the 50/50 route, the “pay what you can” or some other strategy of splitting bills, you both should still review joint expenses together.
For example, if you have a joint credit card that you only use for home goods and home maintenance, you may want to sit down and review those credit card statements together to ensure everything looks correct. It’s easy to skip over an expense when you are sharing it with someone else.
This will ensure you both are on the same page with spending and there are no incorrect or accidental charges from either end!
The bottom line on splitting the bill
In summary, splitting expenses as a married couple is an important aspect of having a stable relationship, especially when you’re living together. However, sharing bills with your spouse may not be your jam, and it’s okay! You and your partner will need to come to an agreement (before marriage) and discuss finances, expenses, debt, and how money will be handled in your relationship. In a study, the number one conflict that drove their marriages apart was finances. Avoid conflict and any money issues with your spouse, and have an honest and open conversation. Prepare, plan, budget, and seek professional help if needed.
Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Here are some tips to help you cultivate strong and healthy relationships:
1. Communicate effectively: Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your partner, and listen actively to theirs.
2. Set boundaries: Establish clear limits and respect each other’s needs and preferences.
3. Show empathy and understanding: Be supportive and validate each other’s emotions.
4. Respect each other’s independence: Maintain individuality and personal interests.
5. Foster trust: Be reliable, honest, and transparent in your interactions.
6. Embrace conflicts: Address disagreements in a constructive and respectful manner.
7. Prioritize quality time: Spend quality time together, doing things you both enjoy.
8. Practice active listening: Pay attention to each other’s needs and show that you care.
9. Cultivate intimacy: Prioritize physical and emotional closeness.
10. Embrace growth and change: Support each other’s personal growth and development.
Remember, healthy relationships are a journey, and nurturing them takes effort and dedication from both partners.
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Every Man irrespective of who they are must read the book by a German writer Esther Villar In her book “The Manipulated Man”
This book has caused outrage and hostile criticism from women, it explains how women since the earliest times have manipulated men and turned them into their slaves, they have pretended to be the oppressed sex while in the real sense they are the oppressors.
She explains how a woman manipulates a man skillfully by steps like courtship and finally marriage , hence the saying “ a man chases a woman until SHE catches him”.
In her book she explains how the man is tricked to care for the woman all his life and her offspring.
He rolls the stone like Sisyphus and in turn gets rewarded by a few minutes of sexual pleasure.
We can, by observing Esther Villars assertions that a man is a slave of his desires and the woman uses and has used it for thousands of years as a stick and carrot to keep the man chasing vanity and commit his life to serving her.
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She goes ahead to explain the rivalry of women, how each woman feels the powerful urge and need to own a male for herself.
Like a slave owner she detests any move the man would make to offer his services to another woman. She uses all means to keep the man to herself and her offspring alone.
Esther Villar’s sentiments are captured by Nigerian Poet, critic and writer, Chinweizu Ibekwe in his book, “The Anatomy of Female Power” (AFP) and Will Farrel’s, “The Predatory Female”.
They all push the theory that all societies are matriarchal and not patriarchal as we are pushed and forced to believe. Matriarchy has ruled not through brawn but wits and tricks; women feigning weakness to be protected etc. Thus the male becomes the most exploited sex in human history, (in wars the man is always ready to die for the woman; he has been trained to do that).
Chinweizu calls the idea of dating and courtship, training , like that of a horse. It is during this time that a woman having kept the man on a leash by denying him sex and getting him addicted to her by false charms, trains and breaks him to whatever she wants him to become.
The marriage celebration becomes a celebration for the woman and her friends, and they all congratulate her for having succeeded in getting herself a slave.
A man on that wedding day waves goodbye to his independence and his coalition of males and commits himself to a Sisyphean life, rolling the stone, an act he cannot abandon having society and the government checking on him and always ready to jail , shame or exile him for absconding his duties of slavery.
Thus the government and society helps the woman in keeping her slave (man) in check.
Chinweizu gives a narration of how women are trained by older matriarchs to tame men. He explains how a man is trained to rely on women by his own mother.
A man is shamed for cooking for himself and other domestic chores by his own mother who is an agent of the global matriarchal rule.
By getting the man to hate domestic works and having it enforced by culture which warns men against going into the kitchen, doing laundry etc.
The mother trains his son for the woman who will captivate him and when the time comes she takes hold of the man’s stomach and by getting the man addicted to her body she holds him by the two, in bed and in the kitchen.
With those two weapons she manipulates the man and turns him into her plaything.
In the “Myth of the Male Power”, Esther Villar’s “A Man’s Right to the Other Woman”; “The Polygamous Sex”, the authors of those books challenge the narrative that men oppress women, and by detailed research across African, Western and Eastern both in ancient and modern societies, the authors unravel the hidden power of the ruthless matriarchal power that rules the world.
Also Helen E. Fisher did anthropological research of ancient human societies and wrote the book “The Sex Contract, The evolution of human behaviour” 1982. She too came to the conclusion that Marriage is a selfish creation of a Woman, where she uses sex to manipulate a man to take care of her and her offspring. Other male animals do not carry the same burden and responsibility.
President’s, Emperors and Kings are all puppets of the matriarchy forces that rule the World by pulling the strings from behind the curtains
Family
Ibadan ace broadcaster appreciates wife for staying through the thick and thin journey of their life.
An Ibadan based broadcaster, whose name and identity is withheld has penned down an appreciative message for his wife for staying with him when he had nothing.
According to the missing you chats sighted by JN25 reveals that the wife has been financing the family when the husband was out of job for long time.
The husband chats to his wife shows he was thankful to God and his wife for staying with him through the turbulence period of economy hardship.
See the chats from the wife
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See the wife’s chat below:
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