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Splitting up chores fairly as couples

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1. List every chore and errand

The first thing you want to do, says Rodsky, is list out each and every task required to manage the home. It will help each member of the household understand the full extent of responsibilities – and hopefully encourage them to take measures to balance the workload.

Illustration panel reads: "Make a list of every household task: Include essential chores, errands and miscellaneous duties." and shows a person walking a dog, someone running an errand in a car and a hand writing a thank you note.

Set aside an hour or two to draw up the list. Do it in a place that’s easy for everyone to see and access: a shared notes app, a spreadsheet or a whiteboard, for example. Include essential tasks like washing dishes or taking the kids to school and errands like grocery shopping or picking up the dry cleaning. Don’t forget to add tasks that might be less visible, such as coordinating carpools or writing thank you cards.

2. Narrow down the list

Once you have those tasks in front of you, discuss each item with your partner or your housemate.

Illustration panel reads: "Cut the non-essential chores." A couple looks at their unmade bed and one of the women says, "Honestly I don't care about making the bed." Her partner agrees, "Me neither! Let's not do it!"
  1. Go through the list and note who’s been typically responsible for each task. You might be surprised. Your partner, for example, may be doing more chores than you expected. Or they might find you’ve been doing the lion’s share of the labor. Seeing the breakdown of the domestic workload can provide you with a starting point for what’s working and what might need to change.
  2. Create a shortlist of essential duties. Prioritize the must-do chores – that includes everyday tasks like taking out the trash and washing the dishes — and activities that are important to your household, says Rodsky, such as date nights or a redecorating project you’ve been meaning to finish.
  3. Cut unnecessary tasks. Lighten the workload by removing any chores from the list that don’t make sense to your household. Maybe you and your partner have been taking the time to make the bed every day, when neither one of you really cares about that unless you have company. Or perhaps you and your roommates constantly bicker about whose turn it is to deep clean the bathroom. In that case, you might consider pooling your resources together to hire a cleaner every few months.
  4. Set clear expectations of how and when a task should be done. Go through your pared-down list and come to a consensus with your partner or roommate about what each task means in your household. Take mopping the floor for example – should that be done on a weekly or a monthly basis? Would it be OK to use something like a Swiffer, or is a traditional mop and bucket strongly preferred by a member of the household? This exercise can help get everyone on the same page, says Misla, and avert conflict around how chores are executed down the line.

From here, stay flexible. Your list of essential chores are bound to change depending on the needs of your household – Give yourself some space to let the rules evolve. Check in with each other and say: Is this still working for us? If not, what do we need to change?”

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3. Assign the tasks

When it comes to splitting up the housework, “nothing is ever equal. How many dishes done equals laundry folded? How many trips with the kid to the dentist equals checkups to the car?”

While you may not be able to divide the chores 50-50, you can try to aim for a workload that feels fair to each member of the household. Here are some helpful tips on how to assign chores:

Illustration panel reads: "Own the tasks you enjoy doing." A couple stands at a kitchen island, the woman is stirring a bowl and says "So ... I really like cooking." Her partner says "And I really like eating your food." She replies, "I'm gonna keep doing it, OK?"
  • Own the tasks you love. If you have chores and workflows in place that are already working for you and your partner or roommate, don’t worry about reassigning them, says Rodsky. Continue doing the tasks that bring you joy, whether it’s cooking dinner or folding the laundry while watching Netflix.
Illustration panel reads: "Share the load on burdensome tasks. (It's not fair for one person to like, be in charge of picking up the dog poop from the yard.)" A man uses a broom and dust pan to pick up dog poop as he says "Please, someone save me from this misery!!!"
  • Share the load on burdensome tasks. No one should have to be responsible for one task forever, especially if it’s unpleasant. Find a way to divvy up the most time-consuming or least-favorite tasks like nighttime baby care or picking up dog poop in the backyard. That could mean taking turns on the task or agreeing to do that chore together.
  • Consider your housemate or partner’s circumstances for the week. Are this week’s conference calls completely at odds with your carpool schedule? Does your roommate need a bit of a break because they have friends in town? Does one of you need some extra time this week to crank out thank you notes for those housewarming gifts? Set regular check-in times to walk through your weekly schedule and reassign chores and duties where necessary.

4. Be fully responsible for your duties

Lastly – if you’re in charge of a household chore, take full ownership of it, says Rodsky. Don’t expect your partner or roommate to pick up the slack if you can’t complete the task. It’s your responsibility to account for what you need. Your partner and household are depending on you.

Illustration panel reads: "Be responsible for your own tasks. Don't pull your partner into it!" Two men stand at the kitchen counter. One unloads groceries as he says "Dang! I forgot the tomatoes at the store. Can you go get some?" His partner replies: "No dude. I'm supposed to be taking Katrina to the vet right now!"

If it’s your turn to cook dinner, for example, account for the time you will need to buy the ingredients, prep and cook. Avoid stealing your partner’s time with one-off or last-minute duties they haven’t accounted for, like running to the store for a forgotten ingredient or chopping vegetables.

And if it’s your partner’s turn to cook dinner – let them do it! Resist the urge to micromanage the way they season meat or the time they take to make it. Use your extra time and energy to focus on something else — whether it’s another task or just relaxing.

When everyone does their part to keep the household running smoothly, you can free up more time to be “consistently interested in your own life,” says Rodsky — which is exactly the goal of a balanced domestic workload.


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Family

How women enslave men from ages.

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Every Man irrespective of who they are must read the book by a German writer Esther Villar In her book “The Manipulated Man”

This book has caused outrage and hostile criticism from women, it explains how women since the earliest times have manipulated men and turned them into their slaves, they have pretended to be the oppressed sex while in the real sense they are the oppressors.

She explains how a woman manipulates a man skillfully by steps like courtship and finally marriage , hence the saying “ a man chases a woman until SHE catches him”.

In her book she explains how the man is tricked to care for the woman all his life and her offspring.

He rolls the stone like Sisyphus and in turn gets rewarded by a few minutes of sexual pleasure.

We can, by observing Esther Villars assertions that a man is a slave of his desires and the woman uses and has used it for thousands of years as a stick and carrot to keep the man chasing vanity and commit his life to serving her.

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She goes ahead to explain the rivalry of women, how each woman feels the powerful urge and need to own a male for herself.

Like a slave owner she detests any move the man would make to offer his services to another woman. She uses all means to keep the man to herself and her offspring alone.

Esther Villar’s sentiments are captured by Nigerian Poet, critic and writer, Chinweizu Ibekwe in his book, “The Anatomy of Female Power” (AFP) and Will Farrel’s, “The Predatory Female”.

They all push the theory that all societies are matriarchal and not patriarchal as we are pushed and forced to believe. Matriarchy has ruled not through brawn but wits and tricks; women feigning weakness to be protected etc. Thus the male becomes the most exploited sex in human history, (in wars the man is always ready to die for the woman; he has been trained to do that).

Chinweizu calls the idea of dating and courtship, training , like that of a horse. It is during this time that a woman having kept the man on a leash by denying him sex and getting him addicted to her by false charms, trains and breaks him to whatever she wants him to become.

The marriage celebration becomes a celebration for the woman and her friends, and they all congratulate her for having succeeded in getting herself a slave.

A man on that wedding day waves goodbye to his independence and his coalition of males and commits himself to a Sisyphean life, rolling the stone, an act he cannot abandon having society and the government checking on him and always ready to jail , shame or exile him for absconding his duties of slavery.

Thus the government and society helps the woman in keeping her slave (man) in check.

Chinweizu gives a narration of how women are trained by older matriarchs to tame men. He explains how a man is trained to rely on women by his own mother.

A man is shamed for cooking for himself and other domestic chores by his own mother who is an agent of the global matriarchal rule.

By getting the man to hate domestic works and having it enforced by culture which warns men against going into the kitchen, doing laundry etc.

The mother trains his son for the woman who will captivate him and when the time comes she takes hold of the man’s stomach and by getting the man addicted to her body she holds him by the two, in bed and in the kitchen.

With those two weapons she manipulates the man and turns him into her plaything.

In the “Myth of the Male Power”, Esther Villar’s “A Man’s Right to the Other Woman”; “The Polygamous Sex”, the authors of those books challenge the narrative that men oppress women, and by detailed research across African, Western and Eastern both in ancient and modern societies, the authors unravel the hidden power of the ruthless matriarchal power that rules the world.

Also Helen E. Fisher did anthropological research of ancient human societies and wrote the book “The Sex Contract, The evolution of human behaviour” 1982. She too came to the conclusion that Marriage is a selfish creation of a Woman, where she uses sex to manipulate a man to take care of her and her offspring. Other male animals do not carry the same burden and responsibility.

President’s, Emperors and Kings are all puppets of the matriarchy forces that rule the World by pulling the strings from behind the curtains

 

 


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Family

Ibadan ace broadcaster appreciates wife for staying through the thick and thin journey of their life.

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An Ibadan based broadcaster, whose name and identity is withheld has penned down an appreciative message for his wife for staying with him when he had nothing.

According to the missing you chats sighted by JN25 reveals that the wife has been financing the family when the husband was out of job for long time.

The husband chats to his wife shows he was thankful to God and his wife for staying with him through the turbulence period of economy hardship.

See the chats from the wife

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See the wife’s  chat below:

 


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Family

What happens to a man in a sexless marriage?

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Sex in a marriage is as important as love. Besides the daily turmoils of marriage, couples should be able to focus on their sex life equally. But many a time, one person is more interested in sex than the other, gradually creating intimacy issues within the marriage. When the other person stops indulging in any sexual activities, it can get severely frustrating. Let’s now know how a sexless marriage affects a man in many ways.

02/6Affairs

When a man is unable to fulfil his sexual needs in the marriage, his thoughts automatically shift towards finding it outside of the marriage. He is more likely to have an affair if he doesn’t get sex with his wife. When all hope of reviving the intimacy in the marriage is lost, he will be frustrated to the point where it leaves him no choice.

03/6Resentments

When work takes precedence over marital bliss and sex, resentment towards each other start to grow. He might feel angry and irritated when he is unable to have sex, as his wife prefers to sleep at night instead of indulging in sex, at least once.

Lack of emotional attachments

In a sexless marriage, the man might start to feel less emotionally attached to his wife. Love and sex go hand-in-hand in marriage and both are equally important to sustain the bonds in the marriage. He might start to drift apart and be less indulgent in any activities that include bonding or togetherness-time.

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Increase in stress

Research suggests that people who have sex frequently have low-stress levels as opposed to those who do it rarely. The lack of sex in marriage might increase the stress levels in the man’s life causing random bursts of anger and irritation. Gradually, he won’t be able to concentrate on other aspects of his life.

Depression and anxiety

The more you have sex, the happier you will be. While this is completely true. Depression and anxiety can also arise to the lack of sexual satisfaction in a man’s life. Sexual satisfaction is important to keep mental health problems in check. This can even lead to further physical problems like erectile dysfunction.


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